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Defensive Dating Class

Is your marriage falling part? Maybe it is because the person you married is different from the one you were dating.

?We should be mindful that [young troops] are away from home, sometimes for the first time,? said Maj. Franklin Swayne, co-founder of ?Don?t Date Stupid,? a class being taught at RAF Lakenheath, England.

The reasons for marrying badly, Swayne said, are classic: for money, security, lust or simply for companionship. Maybe there was a baby involved. Spouses who once loved each other now can?t stand each other. Maybe it?s even two people who belong to the same unit or work at the same duty station.

On the flip side, the time-tested key to a good marriage is intimacy, the kind of intimacy where partners probe each other?s hearts as opposed to just other parts of their bodies.

?There will be times when you don?t love someone,? Swayne said. ?But if the honesty and intimacy are there, the feelings will return.

?Make sure you?re with someone who is committed,? Swayne said. ?Then you?ll find you can work things out even when things don?t feel right.?

Master Sgt. Crystal Mehta, the noncommissioned officer in charge for Lakenheath?s First Term Airmen?s Center, helped implement the program at Lakenheath and said she has gotten good feedback.

Red flags (Stop)

Avoids telling you about their past or present life.
Pushes for quick involvement/exclusive relationship.
Overly dependent (on you or their family members).
Excessive alcohol or drug use/abuse.
Not emotionally finished with former relationship.
Controlling (interrogates you, makes you ask permission to do things, limits you having friends).
Unrealistic expectations (expects you to meet their needs).

Green flags (Proceed with caution)

Comfortable with telling you what they?re thinking/feeling.
Good relationship with their family.
Respects your physical and emotional boundaries and reveals information about themselves gradually.
Not wrapped up in things that take time attention away from you (hanging with friends over you).
Financially stable.
Wants to be with you, doesn?t need to be with you.

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Defensive Dating Class

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